9 - Something you learned about yourself recently

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I felt it appropriate to answer this on the very last day of 2011, simply because in remembering all the things I’ve learned about myself, I also remember the experiences that brought about these lessons and changes.

I learned that I have endurance.  That if I push myself really hard, I can actually get something done.  Granted the victories are often with something small and the not-so-great accomplishments with the big things (because of poor planning) but with the agony I went through learning not to procrastinate, I’m sure that next year I will be better.

I learned that I am still very weak in one particular area spiritually and that the only way I can gradually overcome the paralyzing guilt that this brings is to focus my energy on running towards God as opposed to away every time I slip up.

I am learning to assert myself.  I am learning how to place boundaries, to say no with maturity and respect.  Granted I still have a long way to go in this area but it used to kill me to say ‘no’ because I felt I was letting people down.  But the whole point of my life isn’t to please other people, it’s to please God.  Hey, if they’re disappointed, then I can’t do anything.  I can’t change the way people think about me or about a situation.   I can affect how I act and think, however, and that is more important.  As long as it’s spiritually driven action and thought, I can and will stand by it.

I learned to actually love and accept myself.  Everything from the thick and sometimes unmanageable hair (which refuses, short of being bleached, to go dark red after dyeing), poor eyesight, problematic skin, uneven teeth, fitness-challenged body and huge feet that won’t fit into shoes I want to wear.  Part of this is because I chose to believe what the guys who liked me told me every time: that they genuinely appreciated how I looked as well as who I was on the inside.  Granted my friendship with these guys had to go a lot deeper for this to happen. However, prior to this I always simply believed that I was only liked because of what I could give, what I said, my background (which had nothing to do with me, really).  Man, is it so hard for us girls to believe that we are desirable and desired by guys because of how we look as well as our hearts, no matter what flaws we see in ourselves?

Part of this belief came from my security in God.  Me believing that God loves me no matter how I look and what I do.  And knowing the most important being in your life loves you no more or less, despite knowing your dark side as well as what other people see, is an unbelievably powerful thing.  So I’ve had more fun dressing up because I dress how I felt on the inside, which is happy, playful and free.  Not trendy? Even better.  I’d rather be comfortable than second-guess or be self-concious.  Indulgent as it sounds, I dress more for myself and God and I’m hoping that if I end up in a relationship this doesn’t change.

Speaking of relationships, I learned that at this point, I really don’t want to be in one. The most important reasons have to do with myself.  I have yet to get a grip on self-control, which means if I’m insanely attracted to the guy, I don’t yet know how I’ll hold myself back physically (seriously didn’t see that coming myself—didn’t know I was quite passionate until I came a hair’s breadth away from a kiss and it was only by God’s grace that I managed to hold back, no matter how much I loved the guy).  I don’t want to do something regretful and I certainly don’t want him to struggle physically.  

I also believe that there are still many things I need to put together in my life.  I need to at least be able to drive, to be slightly more independent.  To finish my Bachelor’s degree; a relationship won’t help me focus at all.  If I learned anything from the last one, it’s that I can get a little out of control with time management.  Being in love can be like a drug in that you get addicted to feeling so good that you obsess over the person and the relationship.  I don’t want that to happen.

I want to have God in the middle.  I don’t want to be putting this person on a pedestal and obsess over him.  I heard that’s not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.  I want to be even more secure in myself, in my relationship with God, before adding another person to love in my life.

And—I can’t believe I’m actually saying this—I can’t yet picture myself in a real relationship.  One where you turn down plans because you’ve got a boyfriend to hang out with after work or studio, a man to go on dates to the movies or to a restaurant with, one you’ll be annoyed with so you talk to your girlfriends about him on a not so good day.  I’m actually enjoying being single and I cannot bring myself to think about saying I’m already taken just yet.  Weird, huh? I always thought I’d be ready to be committed; tied to one person.  I guess because once I’m ready to tie myself to someone else in a relationship, I’m hoping it’ll be for the rest of my life.  I don’t want to be looking around.  Serial dating isn’t in the slightest way appealing to me so I’d only be willing to change my Facebook relationship status for the guy I know I could picture myself marrying.  So in the mean time I will enjoy my guy friendships and somewhere down the line—when God knows I’m ready—I’ll meet him.  Gosh, I’m so old fashioned xD

♥

8 - The latest random thing that happened to you

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Wow! It’s been ages since I’ve done this! (again)

Random thing.  Hmm…

I was watching “De Vrais Mensonges” (Beautiful Lies) yesterday with mum.  It was one of the six films I borrowed for a marathon whilst recuperating from the hectic 3 weeks I had at work.  It stars Audrey Tatou and Sami Bouajila.  Such a cute film, you’ve gotta see it!

Anywho, Audrey’s character was talking to Sami’s in the salon which Audrey owns and runs and over Sami’s shoulder I spotted something that looked incredibly familiar.  Three bottles of the L’Occitane Almond Shower Oil.  I paused the film and realised that the entire three shelves were filled with things I recognised from work: Cherry Blossom Shower Gel, Citrus Verbena Body Cream, Lavender Body Lotion, etc.  I was beside myself with laughter.  I mean, I guess it makes sense that I’d see them in a French film (as L’Occitane is after all French), I just didn’t expect it to be so obvious!

In another scene later on while Sami’s cleaning the shelves I notice that he’s got the Precious Cream in his hands and that the shelf behind him was full of the Immortelle face care products.  Tears of laughter in my eyes, seriously.

And there’s my random story for the day.

7 - One unlucky thing that happened recently and your thoughts on it

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Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve done this! And I’m sorry to disappoint you with such an underwhelming answer.

I had the misfortune of a work mix up last Friday when I thought I was working during the afternoon and instead worked at night till closing.  Which meant that I lost the opportunity to hang out with the campus guys.  Lame.  I now have to, in paranoia, check the roster every time I’m in just to make sure I turn up to shifts on the right day and time.  I keep forgetting I’m not working permanently fixed times and dates -_-”  Turning up 4 hours early did mess up my day but I was determined to keep the attitude great and you know what? Despite a long day, I had a great time.  Even got to share my faith a bit with my friend from work.

So that’s why God gave me the night shift :3

♥

6 - Last book you read and thoughts on it

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I’m actually ploughing through three different books at the moment.  For my quiet times I’ve been going through “Romans: The Heart Set Free” by Gordon Ferguson, which has been absolutely amazing because it’s leaning more into Christian apologetics.  When you’re dealing with the book of Romans—which is my favourite book of the Bible by the way, due to its meaty content—it’s hard to simply skim over it.  It’s absolutely gratifying to dive deep into each verse and chapter and see, with the proper context, what Paul really meant.  I was so happy that Dad got an Apologetics Bible that I could read along side it to get an even meatier perspective.

I’ve also been unable to really put down “Reaching for the Invisible God” by Philip Yancey.  I can’t even begin to tell you the beautiful things I have come to understand about God by daring to read this book.  I tried a couple of months ago to read it and felt like I was spiralling into more and more despairing and doubting thoughts.  Obviously there are books that need to be read at the right time to really make an impact on you and I had to be at a certain maturity where I wasn’t insecure about my own relationship with God to fully appreciate the new perspectives that Philip gives about God as the Father, as the Son and as the Holy Spirit, as well as share his own spiritual journey.  I’m still only two thirds of the way through it—I will be sad when I get to the end—but it has already made great changes in my life.

For my recreational reading, I’m still going through the serials in “The Best of Sherlock Holmes” by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  I think I said months ago that I started on this book and due to moving, finishing uni applications, hanging out with friends and family and falling asleep when my head hits the pillow at night, unfortunately I have made little progress.  Least I’m a quarter of the way through it.  What’s terrible about reading this collection is that, because there is no consistency in me reading through this particular style, I constantly have to re-train myself to understand it :P  However when I do get into the stories, it is greatly satisfying.  In reading more and more of the serials I have come to back the idea that Hollywood greatly exaggerates everything.  There really was not that much action in the stories.  They were exciting because of the people and the situations they found themselves in, most especially in the way Holmes manages to solve seemingly impossible cases. Not so much in what Holmes and Watson did by way of fighting and chasing carriages and ‘bad guys’ across London.  Nevertheless, a great collection from a master storyteller :)

♥

5 - Recent development in one particular relationship of yours

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Well, actually relationships, in particular romantic relationships, have been out of my mind for a while now.  I’ve been happily pursuing a healthier relationship with God and improving on the friendships I have.  Also, with understanding what it actually takes to be in a Godly, non-destructive, pure relationship, I don’t think I’ll really be ready for many more years.  I think I learned from the last one that I was terribly selfish at times and also very bad with communication.  I want to be willing to give, to be open (vulnerable) as well as be good with laying down boundaries and expectations and that’s something I cannot learn overnight.  So until I’m ready (and until the person I have yet to meet is ready) I am quite happy to wait and enjoy the friendships I have.  It does help that I have very deep and meaningful friendships with plenty of guys already so I am not wanting :)

♥

4 - Story behind something you recently discovered

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If you hang out with Filipinos you are guaranteed 3 things during an outing: (1) a very big group, (2) very good food, (3) very loud and animated conversations.  I’m a little scared that we won’t be allowed back at one particular lounge in the city because we took up half of the second floor and made such a racket >_<  Granted we were nearly five families with small children and excited adults so this was bound to happen in such an intimate space.

I’ve had quite a few discoveries since the last time I wrote this.  I finally settled on Koko Black, a chain of chocolate lounges we’ve discovered in Melbourne, because it’s starting to become a Sunday Pinoy tradition for us xD  This retail + chocolate lounge has the most delectable European chocolates.  Personally I find the interiors of their lounges warm and cosy.  Love it to bits.  If you’re in Melbourne, you cannot pass this place up if you’re looking for a sweet treat.  They have everything, even a menu that changes with the seasons ^_^ I personally recommend the Chocolate Walnut Brownie and their Iced Chocolate.  To. Die. For.

I think I know exactly where to take visiting Adelaidans in December ;D

♥

3 - Last movie you saw and thoughts on it

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Erm…

It was all right :)  The film I saw prior to this was “The Green Lantern” and remembering how much I love Ryan Reynolds, I loved it.  Thing is, I don’t think I ever really liked anything cowboy/western related.  This was done pretty well effects and production-wise but I felt like the plot took a while to warm up.  Daniel Craig brooded a lot, which wasn’t exactly a good use of his amazing acting skills so it was a bit of a shame.

Three out of five stars.

♥

1 - Two good things that happened recently

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Actually, today was a good day :)  I got called for a job interview this morning, which is awesome.  I only applied for that job three days ago so I’m stoked!  I really hope I get in.  I’m actually more nervous about the interview and whether or not I’ll make it in one piece or get lost :S

I also sat through my first Bible study in years, which was amazing.  I got to know a great girl by the name of Samantha, who is really eager to learn and understand what being a true disciple entails.  I’m sitting in on another one later.  I’m praying it goes well and that I’m able to contribute God’s word and what He’s taught me in the study.

Also, as you’ve previously seen I bought two gorgeous pairs of shoes on Etsy ;D so I’ve given you three pieces of good news ^_^

♥