Last night I found myself weeping, not about one specific thing really.  I think because we hit the ground running from the moment we left, I haven’t had the time to process how I felt and have been feeling.  So I’d have moments where I’d just cry for what seems like no reason.  It’s been a year since I ever had anyone as close to my heart as him, a year since the tension between my family nearly tore us apart.

And though I had prepared myself for various scenarios—predicted the most likely way things will play out—it absolutely still hurts.  Sometimes I feel like I’m over it but in actual fact, one brief moment where people gently urge me to open up and I can feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

I guess it helps that we’ve physically moved to start fresh as well as get some healing.  And I have been praying every day to be more and more open to change, to crying it out and bit by bit letting go.  It’s most definitely helped that with nothing besides work (which isn’t all that hard honestly) and church activities I’ve had more time to focus on my relationship with God.  Looking back at the last year, it’s certainly come a long, long way—though I definitely have far to go.  The insecurity isn’t there anymore, which I’m grateful for.

♥

(Source: lovequotesrus, via missthoserudeinterruptions)