Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!’

~ C.S. Lewis

So, a couple of nights ago my best friend and I decided to have a chat.  It had been weeks since we committed the crime of tying up the phone lines just to catch up on what’s been happening.  We updated each other on life changes, easily slipping into deeper conversation as if we weren’t separated by 8-10 hours of interstate car travel.

I’m sure I’ve said this a million times here but I can never quite find someone I can have the same kind of relationship as I do with Ben.  It’s pretty strange that all this time I just assumed I’ve already talked about him here.

I met him through someone I could call a sister from another mother.  A gorgeous gal by the name of Antoinette, who also happens to be half Filipino.  We were introduced through my brother (so in fact, I have Fernan to thank for having met them both).  Essentially I met them both at a bus stop and Ben was Antoinette’s friend. 

My first impression of Ben was refreshing.  He shook my hand warmly, spoke with so much confidence, interest and politeness.  For a 17 year old guy, he was impressive.  He was creatively inclined, with the ability to paint, sing and dance.  At the time he piqued my interest.  We had the same taste in music, in stage shows, in movies.  He can so easily talk about many things in great detail.  We had the same opinions about so many things and the few things we disagreed on where really tiny and insignificant.

I appreciate times we spend together because we never really plan them.  We just promise to meet at a certain time somewhere in the city or catch a bus down to the beach together.  Then we lose track of time, we lose ourselves in many strains of conversation that would range in depth, enjoy periods of peace, share music, food.  We’ve explored many different cafes around the city, giving everything a try.  We’ve spent a good two hours in the museum, coming up with stories behind the exhibits, talking about individual experiences, marvelling at how the world has changed over time.  We’ve gone into small second-hand bookshops where we would linger in the arts section, humming jazz standards by George Gershwin as we flicked through the sheet music.  We’ve tried on many clothes at different op shops, finding gems every now and again to own.  I’ve seen him perform on stage several times and he’s come to show support during my performances too.

Naturally, being similar in many ways, I find that we seem to live on the same wavelength too.  We constantly find ourselves in similar situations where we think and tackle them the same way.  In fact, the last time we spoke, I told him of an interesting dynamic between me and a friend, expressing to him reasons why I felt that a relationship was the least of my thoughts.  There was a pause over the phone and he laughed, saying his train of thought and reasoning was exactly the same, promising in no way was he reading my mind.

Of course as time passed, I grew to love him.  I knew, however, that no matter how deeply we spoke about our beliefs and how open we were willing to be with each other’s beliefs, it wouldn’t work.  I think Ben knew back then that if we were going to commit to each other it would have to be very serious.  We weren’t on the same page spiritually and he knew it was a big issue for me.  We both felt that we had some growing and repairing to do in ourselves before we could reward ourselves with committing to someone else in our lives.  This realisation came after I decided to give it a try with someone else and after Ben had several short-lived relationships.

I’m pretty glad we didn’t end up trying for a relationship or I wouldn’t have realised that we are soulmates.  Tied by a stronger bond than friendship.  Somehow, in getting the possibility of a relationship out of the picture, our dynamic changed.  Being with Ben is like breathing to me; so easy, so natural, so refreshing.  I look at myself when I am with him and I’m happy because I’m the most open, the most honest, around him without trying.  I feel beautiful, loved and valued.  I don’t feel any awkwardness, insecurity or fear around him.  The greatest thing about Ben is his ability to bring out the best in people around him.  He doesn’t judge, he is always patient and attentive, kind and understanding.

I didn’t think it was possible for someone to be so loyal—to constantly be there for me, even when I think I don’t need help.  He never pretended to know how to tackle a situation, never guilted me into doing things, always tried to be objective.  When he knew I had difficulties in confronting issues in my heart, he was always so understanding and patient.  He knew that I knew what the right thing to do was and never once made me feel inadequate, or that it wasn’t difficult and that I should just stop being a wuss and work on it.

Of course he isn’t perfect and he doesn’t live in a perfect world.  He still struggles with many things; the direction he wants to take in life in terms of career, his family troubles, his relationships, his work, his self-esteem.  He too needs to grow in character and inner strength.  I do admire his fighting spirit.  That even if he doesn’t always share these things because he doesn’t want you to worry about him, he is fighting to straighten them out.  From time to time he lets people help, which is also good.  Some battles aren’t meant to be fought alone.

I still don’t feel like I really deserve Ben.  He has given so much of himself and has given me the honour of being a part of his life.  I am extremely grateful to God for someone I can truly enjoy being with for such a long time, no strings attached, no worries, no pressure, at no price and with no expectations—despite a slightly rocky history.  It was only through my friendship with Ben that I realised that it is most definitely possible to love people in your life just because they exist, because in their own existence they have made you happy, they have loved you and taught you how to love.

I guess I put this out there hoping that one day, when he is in need of encouragement, he can find this and be reminded (because I already tell him whenever I get the chance) of how he has really changed my life.

♥